On not being chosen:
I feel like a lot of my problems came from not being chosen, repeatedly, as a child, and it had informed the rest of my choices for a very long time. Being at the centre of being devalued, and being repeatedly told again and again the message of devaluing, can have its effect. How did I stop feeling so damaged? Also, when did I realise that this damage was being done or had been done? I read a wonderful line the other day that said, “I was the perfect product but got damaged in the delivery and packaging.” I thought this was a wonderful line and can be aptly applied to me. I must have worked so hard my entire life to be devoid of needs, and emotions, which doesn’t seem to make much sense, and I must have spent so much of my early life just waiting. And it is this waiting that I will attribute to later adults, to adults who are around me and who I had made friends with, and I was especially attracted to people who had the quality where they would want to make me wait.