I remember there was a time when my parents, specifically my dad, considered moving to Japan in the late ’80s, when the middle class and wealthy in China were able to leave.
I don’t remember where I was going with this post.
It was something to do with ‘bastardization’; I realised that I was a bastardization of two cultures.
That in some ways I had come from this bastardization of the two cultures, and that that can sometimes be seen as a weakness. And it doesn’t help that I always saw myself as gross and unlovable, which manifested in a number of ways later in life by choosing things that would confirm that bias within me, and it took me a long time to undo something like this – at least I feel as if I’ve undone it.
At some point I must have found that people were not reliable, and cannot be relied upon. And so began the journey to find some deeply reliable people, to correct the balance that was done to me previously.