I think this is the reason I want authentic connection so much.
I guess a normal letter from parents to kids reads like this, but I always thought letters like this was too mature for my age at the time. I realised what my family had for each other was actually contempt.
To work for or love people who has always had such contempt for you must be a soul-killer, if not in the short-term, than definitely long-term. Contempt is at the root of so much scorn and unhappiness between people, but I’ve noticed that the most poisonous thing of all is to stay in the cycle, and also to keep pushing yourself to stay in it for all the wrong reasons.
The Over-indulgence of me at the same time
There was also the fact that I felt I was over-indulged. All of my needs were met and extra, but I still wanted to constantly run away. I constantly felt the pressure to be everything and be nothing, and it was hard to know where I stood.
Was there any surprise that I didn’t end up doing anything at all?