Sometimes it’s okay when everything is broken. I was a bitch my whole life, with no sense of patience.
My aunts could only be producers or coordinators in their job life, because of how much they didn’t ask from themselves.
My grandmother made the world seem unsafe. She was always judgmental, including her second youngest brother who she had left behind in Malaysia, and who had taken a second wife as well as a first.
When a Chinese person – at least in my experience – have thoughts like this one, there’s usually quite a sick justification for it from your parents or people who care for you., and this eventually becomes your inner voice. Maybe it was the only way to have control in a world that was constantly falling apart – that had been constantly falling apart. What did people do when their worlds were falling apart, literally all the time? And on top of that, what happens if you’ve been constantly taught that you were disgusting, or not enough, for some reason or other?
just in my case, I cannot believe the pressure that I was under when I was just 17.