Something changed in me when I decided that the Chinese aspect of myself had taken over the reins for too long.
And I tried to learn how to be bad.
I don’t know where this need to be different came from, except I know that I have always been different. But this second sort of difference was different, because it was “bad behaviour” that I consciously chose.
The bad behaviour wasn’t just about having short hair, or having dyed or bleached hair. It was really a leaving of the way that I had been living before. It was uncharted waters, definitely uncharted territory.
It actually became a way for me to say yes. To life.
I think learning to be a bad girl was imperative to saying yes to life. And through that process, it was as if I found myself. I think this is what I want to write about in my book. I am worried about writing in this book, though, because I think it will expose a lot of people, but there’s no way I can write this book and not do that.
But I feel like this isn’t a case of what Mark Twain said about writing memoirs (also, I didn’t know that this was going to be a Memoir! The agent told me it was going to be! And I listened!), which was that you should wait until everyone is dead. But I’m not so sure about that.